Jonathan's Account

When I directed the music at the 2003 Cancer Research UK Carol Service, I remember the charity’s Area Director saying that cancer affects us all – in fact, it will affect one in three of us.  I remember thinking how lucky I was.  At that point no one in my family had suffered from any form of the disease and I had no immediate link with anyone who had cancer.

Three years on and cancer has changed my life and the lives of the members of my family significantly.  My father was diagnosed with prostate cancer the week before the 2004 Cancer Research carol service and I was diagnosed the week after 2005’s event. 

In the event, the actual diagnosis of my cancer was not as horrific as one might imagine.  Deep down, I had known there was something wrong and in a way I was relieved that now something would be done about it. 

As Sophie has mentioned, the worst part of cancer treatment is the waiting – whether it’s for results or even just waiting for an appointment, it is all too easy to let your mind wander.  The most significant day in all my treatment was the day I first went to the Royal Marsden Hospital in Sutton.  I remember walking into the out-patients waiting room and looking around at all the other faces.  There were about 70 people in the room, from all ethnic backgrounds and social classes.  Some were obviously patients, but it struck me very quickly that everyone had one thing in common, regardless of whether they were a patient or a friend/relative.  Everyone looked petrified.  When I stop to think about why I want to make this CD, I think back to that waiting room and remind myself that of all the terrible things of which cancer is capable, its worst quality is the fear it instils in everyone it touches.  Cancer and its treatment can have some drastic effects on a patient’s appearance, but at the beginning of my treatment I was petrified of what my future might bring.  Cancer Research UK’s research and work are helping patients all the time; not just with the medical side of the disease, but also to help with the everyday effects of the disease. 

Of course, in the time I have spent in hospital, I have met so many people who are incredibly brave and living proof that cancer can not only be lived with, but also beaten.  As a patient, I feel that it must be far worse to be the friend or relative of someone with cancer, than to actually be the patient.  I hated the fact that my girlfriend and immediate family had to see me sapped of energy and looking so ill.  It wasn’t pleasant for me, but at least it was bearable, whereas they had no idea how I was feeling.